


The Captain's Girl

by Interrobanng



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Fluff, Imaginary Creatures, Kid Fic, M/M, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 07:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2016624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Interrobanng/pseuds/Interrobanng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Spock,” Jim said weakly. “Someone or something has turned my ship into a preschooler with super powers. I need solutions, not observations!”<br/>“Solutions, Captain?” Spock raised an eyebrow, his eyes twinkling.<br/>“Yes, dammit, solutions!”<br/>“Very well, Captain. I believe clothing would be, as you might say, a good place to start.”</p><p> </p><p>(A kid-fic with a twist and a splash of spirk on the side. Rated mostly for language. On hiatus for now)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Captain's Girl

_Author's Note:_

_Hi everybody! So this is my second fic (that I'm actually posting, got some drabbles I'm keeping to myself for now, and some other one-shots and multi-chapters that I want to whip into shape) for Star Trek and it is an entirely different vein from my first. I hope you enjoy it!_

 

**_Disclaimer_ **

_Jim: What is this place?_

_Spock: Captain, it was already established in the last fanfiction that this is a mysterious pink castle in Wales. Please try to pay attention._

_Mr. X: (crying softly into his frayed sleeve) I told you to run. Why didn't you run?_

_The author: I don't own them, but I **am** holding them prisoner until further notice._

 

 

**_The Captain’s Girl_ **

****

_Chapter One_

_Crash Landing_

****

****

“Mayday, mayday, this is the starship Enterprise, mayday we are going down repeat we are going down-” Uhura gripped her console with both hands as the bridge violently convulsed around them.

“Seven minutes to impact, Keptin!” Chekov called just as the sensor display buckled in on itself and vanished.

Jim turned to Spock, desperately hoping for a miracle. How many times had the two of them saved the day at the last possible second, feeding off one another’s brilliance and emerging triumphant against million to one odds?

Spock met his gaze and shook his head once. _Not this time Jim,_ he seemed to be saying.

James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise, swallowed the lump in his throat and said the two words he’d thought he would never ever say. “Abandon ship.”

Without another sound the entire bridge crew rose and dashed for the turbolift shaft. The lift itself was gone but the shaft was twisting and turning, angling so that instead of a vertical chasm it was formed like a playground slide. There was no way of knowing where it would take them, just as there was no way of knowing what was happening to their ship, what was causing it to shudder and convulse and spasm and metamorphosis, but hopefully they would end up somewhere near the transporter room where, if the odds were in their favor, Scotty was still alive and still able to beam them down to the uninhabited planet they were currently plummeting towards.

Uhura and Chekov climbed in first and Sulu followed them into the darkness. Jim and Spock stared at each other for a second.

“Captain, I insist-”

“Captain’s privilege, Mister Spock.” Jim said and shoved Spock in first.

There wasn’t any time left, no time to wonder what had caused this, no time to theorize what had caused them to go from peacefully sailing through Federation space on their way back home to losing all power and spiraling into the orbit of a planet nine times the size of Earth. There was definitely no time left for stupid human sentimentality and yet-

He heard a soft sigh, almost lost amongst the blaring klaxons and screeching metal. He turned his head just in time to see the Captain’s chair- _his_ chair- surrender its form and shred itself to tatters. Bits and pieces of the plush stuffing he’d come to know so well scattered in the air.

 _Do not cry._ He ordered himself as he leapt into the shaft-turned-slide. _You can cry later if you need to. In private. It was just a stupid chair._

Jim had always been a bad liar.

He emerged from the dark tunnel inside the transporter room itself. Sulu and Spock hauled him to his feet and rushed him onto the pad. He pulled away from them and turned to Scotty, who was still standing at his station.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, man?!” He shouted. “Get over here!”

“Automatic functions are down, sir.” Scotty looked up. His cheeks, red and blotchy, were soaked with tears but his eyes were dry and determined. “Manual’s all we’ve got left. An’ I…I cannae just _leave_ her sir.”

The floor of the transporter room had already folded so the pad was only a few feet from the station. Jim stepped down and went to Scotty’s side. He clasped him by the shoulders.

“You’re a good man, Scotty.”

“Thank ye sir but-”

“But I’m the Captain.” He grabbed a hold and thrust Scotty onto the pad.

“Jim-”

“Keptin-”

Jim pushed the button to energize his friends.

“No!” Spock cried, his hand reaching towards Kirk, but it was already too late. Jim’s eyes met his again, one last time, as Spock’s atoms dematerialized.

“I’m sorry.” Jim told him. “I lo-”

But Spock was already gone, leaving Jim alone.

A lot has been said about the final moments of great men. All impermanent beings wonder what thoughts will go through their heads when they leave this mortal coil. James T. Kirk, lover of literature that he was, had read many a last word and had hoped that when his time came he would be able to string together the right syllables to create something poignant, powerful, something for the history books. After all, how hard could it be to say something better than _“Et tu, Brute?”_

Which is why it was so disappointing that all he could think in those final moments was, _I will go down with this ship, and I won’t put my hands up and surrender/There will be no white flag above my-_

“You’ve got to be fucking jok-”

And then it all went black.

…

…

thump

Th- **thump**.

Th- **Thump**.

**TH-THUMP.**

**TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-THUMP.**

A heartbeat.

He was listening to a heartbeat. Listening. He still had ears. That was nice. Wait, whose heartbeat was he listening to? It was racing like a hummingbirds wings and it wasn’t his, his was still sluggish and quiet. So whose? Jim opened his eyes and sat up, staring down at the tiny body beneath him.

She appeared to be a very small human child, with long black hair and walnut skin. She was totally naked and she stared up at him, her wide black eyes conveying a state of mind that had already reached terror and was hurtling towards freaking the fuck out.

“Hi.” He said awkwardly. “I’m Jim. Do you know what-”

The girl opened her mouth and began to scream.

“Dammit!” Jim scrambled away and clapped his hands over his ears. She screamed and screamed and screamed, not pausing for breath, not stopping for air. She screamed like a creature that had just opened its eyes to self-awareness and was seeing reality in all its horror and chaos for the first time.

Which just so happened to be completely accurate.

Something crashed in the bushes behind them ( _Bushes?_ Jim finally looked at their surroundings. They were in a small clearing surrounded by dense forest) and they both whipped around just as Spock came running through the thicket. His brown eyes immediately landed on Jim and he didn’t spare a glance at the girl as he ran to his side.

“Spock, what-” Jim broke off as Spock’s hands closed around his shoulders. “-is going mmph!” His next words were cut off as his face was smashed into his First Officer’s throat.

“You are alive.” Spock croaked, his arms tightening in a viselike embrace.

“Spock, are you okay?” Jim asked. _Now_ his heart was racing.

Spock thrust back and held him at arms length, glaring ferociously. “You have been missing for 3 hours and 47 minutes.” He snapped. “You were assumed dead for the entire duration.”

Jim swallowed. He hadn’t seen Spock so emotional in years, unless you counted those instances when he’s been exposed to alien spores or taken over by energy being or hypnotized by self-proclaimed demigods, and Jim definitely did not count those instances. Okay, so maybe he saved the memories like pennies deep in his soul and took them out to polish and shine and warm the long, lonely nights alone in his quarters, but he didn’t _count_ them.

…

…Okay, so maybe there were 83 such memories, but _still_.

“I’m fine, Spock.” He said. “Just confused. I don’t-now what are you doing?”

Spock had pulled out his tricorder and was waving it up and down Jim’s sides. Jim rolled his eyes and shoved the device away. “I said I’m fine. Check out the kid. I think I might have landed on top of her or something.”

Spock raised an eyebrow and glanced over at the little girl for the first time. She had finally run out of air so, thankfully, the screaming had finally stopped. She was on all fours, desperately gagging, while involuntary tears streamed down her face. Jim swore and rushed over to her, Spock right behind him.

“Breathe!” Jim ordered, snatching her up. “Just breathe! You need to calm down!”

She stared at him helplessly; still gasping and gagging as if she didn’t know how to use her own lungs.

Spock gently pushed him to the side and settled the girl in a seated position. “Observe.” He commanded softly. “And then imitate.” She gazed up into his face, her eyes desperate but trusting.

Spock inhaled.

The girl inhaled.

Spock exhaled.

The girl exhaled.

“Very good.” Spock said. “This is called breathing. Continue doing as I have demonstrated.”

She did, taking huge deliberate gulps of oxygen as Spock checked her out with his tricorder. Spock frowned at the results and did it again.

“What’s wrong?” Jim asked, worried. The girl didn’t look like she was injured, just scared out of her wits, but… “Is she okay?”

Before Spock could answer they heard crashing from the brush and a huge crowd of the Enterprise crew entered the clearing. Uhura, Chekov and Sulu were in the lead, with Bones and Chapel and what looked like half of the medical department right behind.

“Jim! Thank god!” Bones was at his side in an instant, pulling and prodding, checking for any sign of an injury. When he found none he leaned back and glared as if Jim’s good health was a personal insult. “What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know.” Jim answered honestly. “One second I was going down with the ship and the next-”

“Gorgeous!”

Jim, Spock and Bones all looked up as Scotty entered the clearing and held out his arms. Everyone was looking at the Chief Engineer as if he had grown a second crazy head (after all, everyone already knew Montgomery Scott was stark raving bonkers, they were _used_ to it) and their jaws dropped when the little girl yelped wordlessly and was swept up into his embrace.

“I thought we’d lost you!” Scotty declared and burst into tears, cradling the girl to his chest.

Everyone turned and looked at Jim. After all, he was the Captain. It was his job to address…whatever this was.

Jim opened his mouth.

Then he closed it.

He looked at Bones, who shrugged.

He looked at Spock, who raised an eyebrow.

He turned to face Scotty, squared his shoulders and opened his mouth again.

“Scotty,” he said slowly. “Please tell me you haven’t been hiding a secret love child onboard my ship.”

Scotty gaped at him over the child’s dark head. “Of course not, Captain!”

Jim opened his mouth. Then he closed it. He thought about the alternative explanations that were currently presenting themselves. “Scotty, _please_ tell me the naked little girl in your arms is your secret love child.”

“Dinnae be absurd, Captain.” Scotty frowned. “The wee lass is the Enterprise.”

 _Thank you merciful god my Chief Engineer probably isn’t a kidnapping pedophile._ “Bones, Scotty has gone space crazy.” Jim announced, clapping his friend on the shoulder. “Which makes it your problem.”

But Bones wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at the girl and frowning. Spock wordlessly handed his tricorder to the doctor and McCoy stared at the girl’s readings that still blinked on the screen.

“Jim…” Bones murmured. “According to this she is both 4 years old and 4 hours old.”

Jim blinked at him. “What?”

“To be precise, Doctor.” Spock said. “She is simultaneously 4 years 11 month and 8 days as well as 4 hours and 54 minutes of age.”

Jim stared at both of them. “What.”

“It’s her!” Scotty insisted. “I’d recognize her anywhere, no matter what she looked like!”

Once again everyone was staring at Jim. But what was he supposed to _do_?! He shook his head. “That’s not possible.”

“Scotty, let me look at her.” Bones got to his feet and hurried over to the pair. Scotty loosened his hold and the little girl sank to the ground, staring up at McCoy and shaking with fear. McCoy smiled at her. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, no one is going to hurt you. I just want to make sure you’re feeling okay.”

She turned to look questioningly up at Scotty, who nodded encouragingly. McCoy pulled a small rubber stick out of his pocket.

“Can you feel it when I do this?” He asked and gently tapped her knee. The girl stared at her leg for a second. Her leg jerked slightly. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Good,” McCoy said. “Now the other-Jesus Christ!”

The girl had started screaming again. Endlessly, hopelessly, she stared at her own leg as if it were everything that had ever gone bump in the night and she screamed. Scotty and McCoy looked at each other helplessly. Chapel ran over and tried to hug the girl but she wasn’t having any of it, she pushed the nurse away and flailed on the ground, rolling over and over, kicking and punching the earth, her eyes never closing, her screams never ceasing.

To everyone’s absolute shock it was Spock who saved the day. He marched right up to the girl and stood directly in front of her. When she looked up at him, still screaming, he commanded in a loud voice, “Breathe.”

She stopped screaming. She inhaled. She exhaled. She continued to do so.

Spock nodded. “Continue breathing indefinitely.” He instructed her. Then he noticed something written on her side and he bent down to examine it. He looked up at Jim. “Captain.” He said. “There is something tattooed on the child’s torso.”

“What is it?” Jim had a sinking feeling he already knew.

“It reads _USS Enterprise NCC-1701_.”

Jim was pretty certain that this kind of thing didn’t happen to other starship captains, just him. “Theories?”

Spock looked at the girl, then looked back at Jim. “Evidence suggests that, however it came to pass, this child is in fact the Enterprise.”

“That’s not possible!” Jim snapped. “Look, it’s basic physics, okay? The Enterprise is a really big starship and that is a really little girl. If you were to transform the Enterprise into a human you’d wind up with a really big starship-sized human! Matter doesn’t just vanish. So where-”

The girl had been growing more and more restless the more Jim spoke. Suddenly her hand flew out and slapped the ground in a display of agitation. Sparks flew up and the ground burned where she’d hit it, as if from a phaser blast.

“What.” Jim said in a small voice.

“Fascinating.” Spock stared as if he’d never seen anything so marvelous. “This appears to be an entirely successful instance of not only inorganic-to-organic matter conversion, but of matter to energy.”

“Spock,” Jim said weakly. “Someone or something has turned my ship into a preschooler with super powers. I need solutions, not observations!”

“Solutions, Captain?” Spock raised an eyebrow, his eyes twinkling.

“Yes, dammit, solutions!”

“Very well, Captain. I believe clothing would be, as you might say, a good place to start.”

Easier said than done, as it turned out. No one had actually had time to pack a change of clothes before evacuating and as it now appeared that all their belongings had been mutated into the universe’s newest X-man it didn’t seem likely that they’d be getting anything back anytime soon. After a moment's thought Jim stripped off his uniform shirt and slid it over the girl-the Enterprise’s head. Her eyes filled with tears at the unfamiliar sensation of fabric sliding over human skin (or maybe just at the existence of sensation) but she kept breathing as Spock had told her.

“It’s a little...big.” Bones commented, trying to keep a straight face. While the command gold was a tight fit on Jim, on the Enterprise it hung down past her ankles like a sack and slid off her shoulders.

“Use this.” Uhura said. She pulled off one of her boots and removed a knee-high stocking from her leg. She knelt in front of the Enterprise and tied it around the girl’s chest like a sash, firmly securing the shirt.

“Okay, now she’s got clothing.” Jim said slowly, still feeling very much out of his depth. “Let’s…let’s get back to the rest of the crew and…we’ll figure out shelter and…yeah.”

Spock led the way out of the clearing and as they walked he brought Jim up to speed with all that had happened during his brief absence.

After Jim had beamed the last of the crew down (and judging from the looks on Spock’s and Bones’ faces this was not the last he would hear of _that_ particular decision) command had fallen to Spock. He had immediately rounded up all 408 crewmembers and formed them into groups, each dedicated to a different task. Some were building shelter, others were foraging for provisions and most of Engineering and Communications were setting up an emergency beacon to signal passing ships.

“While Sanctuary V is a designated nature reserve it is located along several Federation trade routes.” Spock explained. “There is an 87% likelihood of our being rescued within one week.”

“Is there any sign of what caused…” Jim gestured at the Enterprise, who was being carried piggyback by Scotty while she focused on her breathing. She wasn’t screaming but she still looked very upset.

“Negative.” Spock told him. “It is unlikely that this situation is the result of any phenomena natural to this region and we have not yet been contacted by any recognizable form of sentience.”

“What I want to know is why this happened _now_ , when we’ve only got a few weeks left to our mission.” Bones said loudly. “You don’t think something is trying to stop us from getting back home, do you Jim?”

Jim shrugged, a little helplessly.

“It is possible.” Spock nodded. “Though perhaps we will learn more when the Enterprise masters speech.”

“You think she-it- _she_ can talk?” Jim asked, a little alarmed at the idea. It added whole new levels of weirdness to the phrase ‘if these walls could talk.’

“She possesses all the necessary components.” Spock said solemnly.

Bones snorted. “Right now, Jim, your First Officer is more machine than your starship. Components indeed. She’s just as human as you or me, only we’ve been human a lot longer. I don’t blame her for screaming like that earlier. At least when we’re born we get a few solid years to get all the motor skills worked out before we have to start worrying about things like self-identity. If I suddenly found myself in a new body with five senses I’d never had before I’d be screaming too.”

“Six senses, Doctor.” Spock corrected.

Bones bristled. “Excuse _me_ Mister Big Shot Vulcan, but _I’m_ the medical professional around here. There are five senses.”

“Six, including the sense of thought. I am confident that if you ever took a few moments to engage in the activity you would find it a most sensible pursuit.”

“Why you snarky, pointy eared, green blooded bas-”

“Bones!” Jim snapped. “If you’re right and the Enterprise is now a perfectly normal 4 year old then that means she’s learning.” He nodded towards Scotty and Bones turned to look at the Enterprise, who was watching them avidly while she continued her deliberate breathing. “Is that really the kind of language you want to teach my ship?”

“No one claimed she was normal, Captain.” Spock said, but his tone was soft.

“Why’s she breathing like that?” Bones asked suddenly. “Hold up, everybody!” Jim raised a hand and their party drew to a halt. Bones walked over to Scotty and the Enterprise and stared at the girl silently for a moment. “You’re going to strain something if you keep breathing like that.” He said disapprovingly. “You’re a human, not a fish. Just relax.”

Her brows knitted together and they could all see the mounting panic on her face as she struggled to understand what she’d just been told.

“Listen ‘ere, lass.” Scotty said quickly, smiling over his shoulder at her. “In humans breathing is an automatic function. Ye dinnae need to divert so much power to it.”

She looked back and forth between the doctor and the engineer and they all watched as understanding dawned and her breathing settled into a slow, steady intake and release.

“…Okay, well, that was adorable.” Uhura announced to the group at large.

“I am in love.” Chekov agreed happily.

Jim kind of wanted to shoot something, but everyone else was just staring at the girl with the kind of facial expression usually reserved for baskets full of baby bunnies. Even Spock was doing that stiff upper lip thing he did whenever he saw a cat and was trying to pretend that he didn’t want to pet it. Which meant that, if history was anything to judge by, the second Jim’s back was turned Spock was going to start brushing the Enterprise’s hair and sneaking her food she probably shouldn’t eat. It was like the fucking tribbles all over again.

Was he the _only one_ who realized that their home of the last very-nearly-five years was _gone_? That his ship, his command, had vanished? That his trusted battle-hardened vessel that had carried them though hell and back had been replaced by a tiny, trembling, helpless creature who couldn’t even walk on her own two feet? He didn’t care what the tattoo said, this child was not his Enterprise.

Plus, if she _was_ his ship, then she was _way_ too attached to Scotty.

…

 _I did not just think that._ Jim told himself firmly as he turned away and kept marching through the forest. _I am **not**_ _jealous that my ship likes Scotty more than me._

Fortunately the rest of the crew was nearby and ten minutes later their party was reunited with the group. His crew shouted with joy and relief when they saw Jim and peered curiously at the girl on Scotty’s back. Jim was a little worried that all the attention would trigger another screaming fit but she didn’t seem to mind. She just peered back, her black eyes darting from face to face.

Jim had to hand it to his crew, they knew their stuff. Since there had been enough time for non-essential personnel to evacuate in the shuttlecraft they had plenty of shelter and provisions. And because they were professionals who knew what really mattered in a situation like this, they’d already dug a fire pit and started on dinner. Knowing his crew as he did, Jim was completely certain that someone had already programmed one of the portable replicators from the shuttles’ emergency packs to produce some form of alcohol, just as he was equally certain he would never see any evidence of said alcohol. Someone had pulled a couple of the benches out of one of the shuttles and placed them around the fire pit. Jim climbed on top of a bench and cupped his hands around his mouth.

“Can everyone hear me?” He shouted.

“No!” Chorused everyone at the back of the crowd. Jim shrugged and continued anyway.

“I know you all have a lot of questions and by the time I’m done you’re probably going to have a lot more. I’ve got a lot of questions myself, believe me. We still don’t know exactly what caused the ship to go down like that but…” He glanced over at Spock, who gave him a tiny nod of encouragement. Jim took a deep breath. “Look, I’m going to be honest with you guys because god knows you’ve all earned it. I don’t know how and I don’t know why, but the evidence seems to suggest that our ship has been turned into a 4-year-old human who can shoot phasers out of her hands. Again, don’t know how, don’t know why. If any of you are able to shed any light on the situation please come to either Mister Spock or myself or, if you’re more comfortable with it, talk to your department head and ask them to convey the information to us. Other than that, well, every person here has had emergency survival training and you all know what to do. You’ve all done an amazing job so far so just keep doing amazing and hopefully we’ll be rescued soon. End of speech.”

Jim climbed down from the bench and McCoy clapped him on the shoulder. “Not your most inspiring pep talk.” He said cheerfully.

Jim threw him a dark look. “Bones, I am kinda freaking out right now. Cut me some slack.”

“Aww, is somebody getting the new daddy heebie jeebies?”

Jim glared at him and walked away. Spock was in a cluster with some ensigns wearing science blues. Jim headed over.

“-beacon is up but we’re receiving some abnormal energy signatures that originate about 5 leagues west of us.” Ensign Hensworth was explaining.

“Fascinating.” Spock said, examining the ensign’s tricorder.

“Any clues?” Jim asked hopefully.

“Possibly.” Spock acknowledged. “Permission to form an exploratory party, Captain?”

“If you wait 20 minutes for me to check in with everybody we can both go.” Jim smiled but Spock frowned ever so slightly. Jim almost rolled his eyes, correctly interpreting the minute expression. “I’m _fine_.” He repeated. “I’ll meet you here in 20 minutes.” Before Spock could argue Jim turned away and began to make his way through the crowd, stopping every now and then to answer questions and receive updates and provide comfort when it was needed.

Jim had just finished some comforting when he heard a volley of cheers coming from one of the shuttles. He went over and discovered most of the bridge crew and a large portion of his female crewmembers clustered around Scotty and the Enterprise. “What’s going on?” He asked.

“Captain!” Scotty was sitting cross-legged on the ground and the Enterprise was standing next to him, one tiny hand on his shoulder. “We’re teachin’ the lass to walk.”

“Show Captain Kirk what you’ve learned.” Uhura, who was standing a few feet away, encouraged.

The Enterprise looked up at Jim and pursed her lips.

“Vvvrrrrrrr-” She buzzed. “Rrrrrrrr-”

“What is she-” He started to ask but before he could finish she picked up one foot… and set it back down. She picked up the other foot… and set it back down. She continued the process, picking up speed until she was running in place. The noises she was making grew louder.

“We’ll have her moving about on her own in no time.” Scotty said, half shouting to be heard. “An’ then I’ll try to talk her out a’ makin’ engine noises.”

“Don’t you dare!” Chapel, who had also come to investigate the cheering, protested. “They’re absolutely darling!” People nodded in agreement.

“Okay.” Jim said, suddenly wanting to get out of there. “Uhura, meet me and Spock in a couple minutes, we’re going to investigate some strange energy signals and I have a hunch we might need you.” She nodded and he left.

“Captain! Captain!” A group of frantic redshirts were running towards him, waving their arms in the air and shouting. “We saw one! We saw one! Captain!”

One of the redshirts, a sergeant named Martha Pennybit, began to sob and fell to her knees, her hands covering her face.

“What’s going on?” Jim snapped, running to meet them. “What did you see?” He pulled his phaser out of his belt, just in case.

“We saw a unicorn, sir!”

Jim paused. “…Okay, that is…definitely not what I was expecting you to say. Okay. A unicorn, is it?”

“Yes sir, a pink fluffy sparkly unicorn.”

“…Ensign, while I am more than willing to believe that somewhere in this vast universe there exists an equine with a horn coming out of it’s forehead, what you are describing sounds more like something you’d find on a little girl’s lunchbox. I suppose next you’ll tell me that it had a rainbow for a tail.”

The ensign looked relieved. “So you saw it too, sir?”

Jim ignored him. “Why are you crying Sergeant Pennybit?” He demanded.

“She…she was just so beautiful!” His battle hardened sergeant sobbed. Jim gave up and went to go find Spock. Clearly his entire crew had gone space crazy.

“Spock!” He cried, searching for his friend. He needed answers about this planet and he needed them now. First the Enterprise was turned into a human and now his security team was losing it’s shit over a pink fluffy unicorn. What next, a heffalump?

Jim was just passing the fire pit as he thought this and all of a sudden the pit exploded in a shower of sparks. Chef Woods, who’d been tending to the stew, cried out in alarm and actually fell down when a curious head popped out of the pot. Jim’s jaw dropped as what looked like a small he-no, that wasn’t possible. He watched what appeared to be a small woolly mammoth with radioactive coloring clamber out of the stew pot. Jim and Chef Woods watched silently as the creature tumbled onto the ground, picked itself up, threw them a bemused look and started wandering off towards the tree line. Chef Woods dashed over to the pot and peered inside. “Stew’s gone.” He said glumly.

“Maybe we should stick to the replicators for now.” Jim said weakly, watching the green fuzzy behind of the alleged heffalump vanish in the foliage. “But if it makes you feel any better, security saw a unicorn.”

Chef Woods glared at him. “And why would that make me feel better, Captain?” He snapped. Jim shrugged and fled before any other make-believe creatures could emerge from the cooking utensils.

He found Spock waiting for him at the agreed upon location, along with Chekov, Bones and Cupcake.

“Have you guys seen anything unusual?” He asked. They shook their heads.

“Not unless you count the pixies.” Cupcake added.

“Pixies?” Bones stared at him. Cupcake nodded.

“Yeah, they’re hiding in the trees.” He said. “I knew they were pixies cause they look exactly like the pictures in this book my granny used to read at bedtime.”

Spock and Chekov both looked politely confused and Bones looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or reach for a sedative. But Jim just sighed. “Okay,” he said. “So we’ve got unicorns, heffalumps, and pixies. Not including-”

“Vrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmm!” All of a sudden a tiny body collided with the back of his legs. Jim looked down as the Enterprise wrapped her arms around his knees.

“I’m sorry, Captain!” Scotty came running over, Uhura and Chapel right behind him. “We were practicin’ walkin’ an’ someone mentioned you were plannin’ on explorin’ an’ the lass just took off!”

Uhura knelt down next to the Enterprise. “Come on, sweetie.” She said gently, trying to pry the girl off Jim’s legs. “The Captain has a lot to do right now. You can play with him later.”

The Enterprise frowned, apparently offended, and refused to budge. Uhura looked up at Spock.

“A little help?” She asked. “You got her to stop screaming earlier. I think she likes you.”

“Current circumstances would suggest that she ‘likes’ the Captain.” Spock pointed out, sounding _way_ too amused for Jim’s peace of mind.

“Spock, she’s cutting off my circulation.” Jim snapped. Spock just raised an eyebrow and looked at him pointedly.

“Why don’t you try asking her yourself, Jim.” Bones prodded, smirking.

Jim looked down into defiant black eyes. “Let go.” He ordered. Her eyes narrowed and her grip tightened. “Dammit.” Jim swore and glared at Scotty. “What does she think is going to _happen_?” He demanded. Scotty shrugged.

“I’m not a mind reader, sir.” He said.

Jim brightened. “Scotty, you’re a genius! Spock-”

But Spock was already making his Not A Chance In Hell Captain Face. “To meld with a being incapable of giving consent would be highly unethical.” He said sternly. Jim snorted, remembering all the times Spock had down just that. Spock non-glared. “She is a child, not an enemy.”

“What about the Horta?” Jim pointed out.

“The Horta was-”

“Besides, it’s the only way we can communicate right now.” Jim turned to the Enterprise. “Would you be okay with Spock talking to you in here?” He asked, tapping her forehead. She blinked at him and then slowly released her grip on his legs and turned towards Spock.

“Now hold on a minute-” Bones started to protest but Jim cut him off with a dark look.

Uhura moved to the side so Spock could take her place, kneeling next to the Enterprise. Spock kept his eyes locked on the girl’s as he slowly reached for her face.

“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your th-” He cut himself off and jerked his hand away, reeling backwards.

“Spock!” Jim cried in alarm.

“I am well.” Spock said in a tightly controlled voice. His eyes were closed so there was no way for Jim to read the emotions he was trying so hard to master. “The Enterprise is most…eager to communicate. The transference was unusually immediate and…intense.” He took a few deep breaths to steady himself and they all waited, giving him the space he needed. The Enterprise took the opportunity to reattach herself to Jim’s legs.

“The Enterprise is still in possession of all the information formerly stored in her databanks.” Spock explained slowly, finally opening his eyes. “But she no longer has any way of processing or categorizing the information and she is finding it…overwhelming. She is aware of her identity and is determined to carry out her primary function despite her current physical limitations.”

“Her primary function?” Jim asked.

In answer the Enterprise tightened her grip and began to pull at Jim’s legs, teeth gritting against the strain.

Jim’s jaw dropped. “She wants to _carry me around_?”

“Technically she desires to transport the entire crew.” Spock nodded as Chekov, Uhura and Chapel tried and failed to stifle their giggles. “However, as you are the Captain you are her highest priority.” Spock gave the Enterprise an approving nod, which Jim felt was totally uncalled for.

The Enterprise tried to bend Jim’s knee over her shoulder, as if she thought she could support his weight if she just found the right leverage,

“Stop that before you hurt yourself.” He snapped at her. “You _can’t_ carry me.”

Okay, in hindsight that probably wasn’t his best idea ever. He probably could have phrased it gently, instead of snapping. Probably he should have had more compassion for what the little girl was going through. Probably, he should have been nicer.

Okay, _definitely_.

The Enterprise stared at him as if he’d just slapped her.

“Uh oh…” Bones, ever the experienced parent, whispered.

Her eyes widened and her bottom lip protruded.

“Jim, say you’re sorry.” Bones hissed.

“What?” Jim frowned. “Why?”

Her chin began to quiver.

“What’s she doing?” Jim asked. “Chekov, why are you covering your ears like that?”

“Jim, apologize _now_ before-too late.”

“WWWAAAAAAAAA-”

“Argh!” Jim clapped his hands over his own ears and wrenched away from the screaming.

No one can throw a tantrum like a starship.

They all ran for cover as she hit the ground, beating against the dirt with a wild fury. Sparks and phaser beams shot through the air whenever her fists connected. As her screams grew in pitch and volume a flock of startled pixies (you could just _tell_ they were pixies, somehow) rose from the nearby trees that Jim and the others were hiding behind.

“Idiot!” Bones shouted at Jim, ducking a stray phaser beam.

“This is not my fault!” Jim shouted back.

“With all due respect, Captain,” Chapel spoke up from behind a bush. “This is completely your fault.” Everyone else, even Spock, nodded in agreement.

“Absolutely.”

“No doubt about it.”

“Sorry, Keptin.”

“Fine. Whatever. You all suck.” Jim grumbled. The screaming went up another octave and they heard a tinkle of breaking glass from somewhere nearby. “How do I-oh. She stopped.”

“No she didn’t.” Bones said woefully. “Look.”

Jim cautiously peered around the tree where he and Spock were hiding. The Enterprise was sitting cross-legged on the ground and glaring directly at him. Her cheeks were puffed out and her complexion was darkening.

“What’s she doing now?” Jim asked.

“She iz holding her breath.” Chekov told him. “My cousin Gregor used to do zis when hiz brothers would not play wiv him.”

“Okay, well, how long can she hold her breath? A couple seconds?”

“Until she passes out.” Bones snapped. “Jo did it once when we told her she could only eat one piece of her Halloween candy a day. Look, she’s already turning blue. Get out there and apologize.”

“Are you insane? She’ll shoot me!”

“Don’t be such a baby, Captain.” Uhura snapped as she and Cupcake came up behind him and shoved him out into the open.

Well, now he had no choice. He approached the Enterprise cautiously. “Okay, look.” He said when he was close enough. “You really _can’t_ carry me right now _but_ you can come with us, if you like. That way you’ll know where we are and at least you’ll be traveling with us, deal?”

She appeared to think about it for a second before she relaxed and started breathing again, which Jim took to mean agreement. Jim grinned and turned to face his friends, expecting to be congratulated for his masterful handling of the situation. Instead he was immediately confronted by a furious Scotty.

“Have you gone mad, Captain?” Scotty hissed. “We cannae take her out _there_!” He gesticulated wildly at the forest. “She’s just a wee bairn and there are _bears_ out there.”

“She shoots phaser beams out of her fingertips, Scotty.” Jim reminded him. “I think she can handle a couple bears.” Scotty did not look comforted so Jim clapped him on the shoulder. “If you’re that worried you can come too.”

Which is how it came to be that Jim, Spock, Bones, Cupcake, Chekov, Uhura, Scotty and the Enterprise all set off into the deep dark forest in search of the mysterious energy signs, leaving Sulu in charge of the rest of the crew and Chapel in charge of making sure Sulu didn’t blow anything up. And if they were followed by a fluffy pink unicorn the size of a large dog with a rainbow colored tail and a sparkly mane, well, Jim tried his best not to notice.

 

***

 

_Author's Note:_

 

_Yay! End chapter one!_

_Chapter Two: The Forest will be arriving any day now._

 

_Thank you for reading, and feel welcome to comment, please and thank you!_


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